As the summer slowly draws to an end, the leaves on the trees are still a bright green but with traces of the autumn slowly seeping in to them. The reds, yellows and browns that are synonymous with the later months start to push through and soon all those bright flowers, the fruits and shoots, will perish and die away for another year. The end of one cycle and the beginning of the next. Transcending through the ages this process of life on Earth has existed for millennia and will do so for thousands of years to come. But the greater mystery is for how long?
During my quest for knowledge, my seeking of meaning, I have studied many aspects that our civilizations have indulged into and thought of. These ideas, pontifications, theories and stories, all offer a perspective, an insight into the mind of the writer, the creator and the imaginative aspects of a persons psyche. Whether these reference materials are written in a matter of fact way or in a more jovial tone, they are nothing more than the collection or collections of peoples ideas and thoughts often spanning centuries but culminating in an end product that can be perceived however the recipient chooses. Hence forth why there are still so many discrepancies in not only religion but in more substantiated fields such as science and mathematics. Unlike Religion, which no matter what faith you believe in, it rests solely on your willingness to believe, Science and mathematics offer a more grounded evidence of foundation (this of course is more a personal perspective). Throughout centuries, many scientists, explorers and philosophers have strived to prove facts, to explain the unknown and to bring rational understanding to even the most complex of factors and to enlighten the rest of the world in their discovery. Don’t get me wrong, I know too that Religion, whatever the faith, has also brought a lot to the forefront of the world, it has shown great power and has had a valid part to play in the history of society and earth as a human residence for thousands of years.
Yet with all of this considered, how can we, as beings of this universe even attempt to convey the message that we understand 1 percent of the darkness that surrounds us. I speak not of some dark and gloomy social nightmare or the inner workings of a depressed mind, I mean it in the literal sense, as in the void of nothingness between our celestial body and the next. All of our beliefs, all of our sciences, all of society is based purely on what occurs here on this planet and solar system, what rules of physics, chemistry and biology work best on our terrains, what people of years past have thought was a good idea to worship as a deity or God. But how can we truly know that our systems, our processes that work inefficiently at best here would even begin to work to elsewhere in the vast expanse of the universe.
I understand that our sciences range far beyond my understanding, my knowledge of all 3 core subjects is basic to say the least. Not since my days at school have I really studied them any further. I have recently been enjoying a book written by Bill Bryson called ‘A Short History of Nearly Everything’. In this book, the author gives a detailed but basic explanation of sciences that stand today. He explains their origin, their progression and resolution into the journals of history and science as they stand now. But throughout this book, one question that hung in my mind as it has for many years, how can scientists firmly say that the rules that govern our planet and immediate neighbours, are the same that govern all other planets in the universe? For is it not that as history shows, we are constantly learning and changing our perception of what we originally thought was right and true.
Our understanding of this world and its elements are still inclined to surprise us, to break the rules that we have set in place from our research and quests through time and evolution. Hence my question, how can we say that our rules apply throughout the known universe?
Interestingly the same thought process can be applied to many factors and questions of the search that I am on. I can read the texts and books, watch the videos and films, listen to seminars and lectures on all varying topics of spirituality and metaphysics, yet would the element of change, the different circumstances surrounding each person that investigate such avenues, not result in a different outcome and route to finality then those that have passed before. Is their knowledge not guidance rather than gospel! In all fairness, none of the books relating to these subjects have ever stated that they ‘are’ the way to become enlightened or find the higher ethereal plain, they are more so a guide.
This year has offered me plenty of opportunities to broaden my horizons and expand my somewhat curtailed mind. I have lost things very dear to me, moving me further in to a deep unknowing state of uncertainty. Yet I have gained so much from my experiences that to dwell on the points of unhappiness is fraught with self defeat and misery. I have taken the good from these moments, the anguish that was forced upon me and turned it to a greater good. I have opened my eyes and mind to more aspects, to more angles of perception, to see everything is not in black and white, but to allow colour to filter through me, an openness of expression and thought.
Strangely, I have been told that a fair few people have started to read my blog and that people find it interesting and insightful and for those of you that have shared your opinions and thoughts on this, I thank you immensely. I find it warming to know that my musings and rantings are not just the utterings of a mad man but are subjects that others of you can relate to, can understand and can give compassion too. I write not to lecture or to instruct, but to offer a perspective, to show others that think along these lines that they are not alone.
I have heard people comment on ideas such as mine as too deep, taking life too seriously and to a certain extent, I must agree. For the turmoil I sometimes impose on myself is arduous and wearing, my constant state on unknowingness and my plight to seek out all that I can about mysteries that will evade me for the rest of my days, can sometimes seem futile, an effort that exhausts me, that takes pleasure from the usual places and transforms it into upset, questions and often loneliness.
I often sit and people watch as I have heard it called. Seeing individuals passing in front of me, I sit there and try to imagine what they are thinking, where their travels are taking them and what they can expect when they eventually arrive at their destination. I find this an interesting past time, trying to understand humans merely from observations obtained through conscious effort to see them as a single entity and not part of a social collective. To know what they are thinking, to understand their plights, their dreams and to see how deep the average Joe allows his or her mind to delve. For I find the average person more insightful, more interesting and delightful to understand then most popular celebrities or famous icons that we see in the papers or on the television of today. Yet our modern science that has brought all these faces and names to our homes, our residences and our lives, they cannot capture the thinker inside of these people, they cannot show how their minds perceive the world and what they think is outside of this bubble of social existence.
In conclusion, I am still mystified by all that this world has to offer and to show us. Despite years of study and research, the authorities on such issues can only give us a guide to explain many of these ideas but in essence I believe we are still as blind as we started out as, yet now we have named and categorised elements of the unknown into a more understandable and comprehensible format. In application to my search for answers, I thank those people who have worked hard on one or many subjects, often giving their lives in pursuit of answers. I only hope that my quest to find an understanding of that which I do not know can help those in years to come to further their studies and aid in the awaken of the closed minds that so many choose to keep. I find this exciting, adventurous and invigorating. What new theories, revelations and ideas will open themselves to me, what new steps, how many new people am I to meet and concepts am I yet to experience? For now, I wait with baited breath and an open mind.
Friday, 11 September 2009
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
The Conceitedness of Humanity...
What influences have caused my recent deterioration of self belief and confidence, I know not. I fear the weight of my quest is tiring me, using what little energy I have managed to retain through the monotony of the daily grind and it is sapping it into the ether of the unknown. Or maybe the lack of faith, the questions that I cannot answer are drawing me into a void of selfish acts of absorption. But yet I continue in my pursuit of knowledge and ultimately of life itself.
Many new questions have risen in my mind lately. More morbid and catastrophic interpretations of my time upon this world seem to course intrinsically through my thoughts. I have instilled fear in myself, sometimes making my very spine quiver with nervousness, but not a fear of an object or a situation, more of a fear of my lack of comprehension of life and its workings.
My latest questions seem to have come from my tendency towards martial arts and warriors of history. Obviously in our time now, the thought of becoming a Ronin or meandering Viking have little or no ground for serious thought, but the essence of them, their thoughts and life styles appeal so greatly to me that I am lost in a time of old and the present, trying to interweave two distant times into one conceptual ideal. Alas this cannot happen. As I study my books, the writings of Eiji Yoshikawa in Musashi and of Alex Severin in Viking, I start to learn about and understand these fictional yet history based characters. Musashi was a great Samurai from 17th Century Japan. He wandered the length of Japan trying to learn all that he could about being a Samurai, the mind set, the thought process and the discipline of a noble and great warrior. Viking is a series of books based on a character named Thorgils Leifsson. Although this character is fictional in every sense of the word, the stories that are told of him are based on truth and events that happened very much around the time of the turn of the 10th Century.
Both of these stories feed my hunger for self understanding, to learn all that I can about the human body, mind and soul. In both stories an insight is taken into how the main character perceives the world and what is going on around him. The stories indicate how the world presents challenges and adventures to the main characters and how they in turn deal with these.
Now as stories it is important for me to remember that despite them being based on real events and happenings, their essence is merely fictional and is there only to take you on an imaginative adventure. But reading these books I do not wish to become the character, nor to be presented with the same challenges. What I yearn and strive for is the adventure, the exploration of life and the deeper understanding of ones inner self.
As I mentioned a while back in one of my first posts, I stated that I had recently taken up Viking Battle Reenactment. This is a hobby that is entertaining, fun and healthy. All things that I needed in my life and these offer some salvation from every day life and allow my mind to escape in to esoteric avenues of my self. As a young boy and from what I can remember, I always had flights of fantasy, a crude lust for escapism and for the reality of the social world to disappear from my life. Films such as James Bond, Indiana Jones, The Goonies and many others offered me some kind of release from the normality of growing up and attending school. Although school offered much in the way of education, my years as a youth were neither easy nor fun filled at all times. Bearing the name that I do, although now a blessing, when I was younger and in the company of people that did not understand that which was different, my name was my burden. As with every knock back, these people gave only fuel to my fire for me to prove my worth if only to myself.
The battle reenactment offers me a chance to hone my mind, to dedicate the thoughts and understandings that I have of the warrior. When in battle, if only training, I take all the elements of education that I have studied and try to use them to the best of my skill. Watching the surrounding environment, using my peripherals to study for devious attack, learning the best actions to block, parry and riposte, mastering the use and skill of axe, spear, seaxe and sword. My mind flows into the weapon in my hand, the balance of life and death hangs above me and only I am able enough to move myself to a position of advantage so as not to be beaten, wielding the weapon to my benefit and ultimately slaying my opponent.
Having read these works of warriors and after studying martial arts for many years, I yearn to know how to better myself. I foolishly allow angerto course through me when my hand cannot move fast enough, when my style is sloppy and I am pulled up for silly mistakes. I doubt my ability as a warrior and as a believer in self connection. Yet I continue. To stop, to decry myself for mere beginners fault is a situation I cannot allow myself to befall.
The love for the mysteries of old, the delight of knowing that many warriors have come and gone before me and that from their lessons I can learn to become the warrior that I yearn and strive to be is what forces me on. With knowledge of others I can adapt myself to accommodate not only modern constraints but also tried and tested ideals of history.
Many new questions have risen in my mind lately. More morbid and catastrophic interpretations of my time upon this world seem to course intrinsically through my thoughts. I have instilled fear in myself, sometimes making my very spine quiver with nervousness, but not a fear of an object or a situation, more of a fear of my lack of comprehension of life and its workings.
My latest questions seem to have come from my tendency towards martial arts and warriors of history. Obviously in our time now, the thought of becoming a Ronin or meandering Viking have little or no ground for serious thought, but the essence of them, their thoughts and life styles appeal so greatly to me that I am lost in a time of old and the present, trying to interweave two distant times into one conceptual ideal. Alas this cannot happen. As I study my books, the writings of Eiji Yoshikawa in Musashi and of Alex Severin in Viking, I start to learn about and understand these fictional yet history based characters. Musashi was a great Samurai from 17th Century Japan. He wandered the length of Japan trying to learn all that he could about being a Samurai, the mind set, the thought process and the discipline of a noble and great warrior. Viking is a series of books based on a character named Thorgils Leifsson. Although this character is fictional in every sense of the word, the stories that are told of him are based on truth and events that happened very much around the time of the turn of the 10th Century.
Both of these stories feed my hunger for self understanding, to learn all that I can about the human body, mind and soul. In both stories an insight is taken into how the main character perceives the world and what is going on around him. The stories indicate how the world presents challenges and adventures to the main characters and how they in turn deal with these.
Now as stories it is important for me to remember that despite them being based on real events and happenings, their essence is merely fictional and is there only to take you on an imaginative adventure. But reading these books I do not wish to become the character, nor to be presented with the same challenges. What I yearn and strive for is the adventure, the exploration of life and the deeper understanding of ones inner self.
As I mentioned a while back in one of my first posts, I stated that I had recently taken up Viking Battle Reenactment. This is a hobby that is entertaining, fun and healthy. All things that I needed in my life and these offer some salvation from every day life and allow my mind to escape in to esoteric avenues of my self. As a young boy and from what I can remember, I always had flights of fantasy, a crude lust for escapism and for the reality of the social world to disappear from my life. Films such as James Bond, Indiana Jones, The Goonies and many others offered me some kind of release from the normality of growing up and attending school. Although school offered much in the way of education, my years as a youth were neither easy nor fun filled at all times. Bearing the name that I do, although now a blessing, when I was younger and in the company of people that did not understand that which was different, my name was my burden. As with every knock back, these people gave only fuel to my fire for me to prove my worth if only to myself.
The battle reenactment offers me a chance to hone my mind, to dedicate the thoughts and understandings that I have of the warrior. When in battle, if only training, I take all the elements of education that I have studied and try to use them to the best of my skill. Watching the surrounding environment, using my peripherals to study for devious attack, learning the best actions to block, parry and riposte, mastering the use and skill of axe, spear, seaxe and sword. My mind flows into the weapon in my hand, the balance of life and death hangs above me and only I am able enough to move myself to a position of advantage so as not to be beaten, wielding the weapon to my benefit and ultimately slaying my opponent.
Having read these works of warriors and after studying martial arts for many years, I yearn to know how to better myself. I foolishly allow angerto course through me when my hand cannot move fast enough, when my style is sloppy and I am pulled up for silly mistakes. I doubt my ability as a warrior and as a believer in self connection. Yet I continue. To stop, to decry myself for mere beginners fault is a situation I cannot allow myself to befall.
The love for the mysteries of old, the delight of knowing that many warriors have come and gone before me and that from their lessons I can learn to become the warrior that I yearn and strive to be is what forces me on. With knowledge of others I can adapt myself to accommodate not only modern constraints but also tried and tested ideals of history.
But with this I set my mind to yet another goal. The history of the world is vast and unknown to many of us, not just great battles and social events that have changed the world, but religions, peoples of old, councils and tribes from far off lands that have contributed to our modern world. They offer the understanding of living in harmony with the celestial rock we call Earth, how to reap harvest yet sustain a balanced working ecology. We modern peoples take this Earth for granted. We fear the collapse of the o-zone layer, global warming and the ice caps melting, yet we do nothing to aid the stop of this. So we monitor our carbon foot print, we recycle our rubbish, but all this can offer no redemption for the destruction we have caused on not only our home planet but the home of millions of other species too. Agent Smith from the Matrix coined the description beautifully, we are a disease. But why?
Humanity baffles me. After reading all the books I have, having talked and consulted with friends and family and having taken a good look into my own persona, I am still confused by the Homosapien as we are. So much hatred and anger, yet filled with love and passion. We, as a race, are a mystery greater than that of science. We follow no rules, no set paths and no stringent guidelines, yet we exist and coexist within each others lives. We move from place to place conquering all that is there, ruthlessly plundering the resources of an area before moving on, yet we never sow the seeds to fix our destruction. And so my questions return, who are we and why are we? Our purpose in this physical world is short in relation to the universe itself. Are we just a biological entity that exists through some fluke of nature or some godly act? Or are we the on the first steps of a higher plain, learning to adapt and manipulate the world around us to an ultimate goal? My only hope is if there is some God like deity watching over us, observing the way we treat this world, that we are not all tarred with the same brush. That those who destroy and hurt with no sorrow or remorse are not the governing ideal behind those that fight for the freedom and protection of this gigantic sphere that travels through space and time. That humanity has more to offer than a selfish indulgent principal. The warrior fights not only for protection but for the future of humanity itself.
And so I come to rest my mind yet again for these questions cast but further turmoil upon my already battered brain. My despair for this world falls on deaf ears yet I offer my penance, that my quest for a higher plain of existence will show others that not all of humanity is conceited.
This of course relates not to an individual or any person that I know or know of, this is a generalization of corporations and industries that have contrived members of social groups reaching far beyond our imagination. The darkened corners of government and hierarchal powers, the money grabbers that pillage the weak and poor, these are our black shadows, our nemesis for truth and purity yet so many act in the name of the greater good for humanity. Lined are their pockets so care they do not. The warriors and those with power battle as they have in history and so they will in the future!
My quest continues, the yearning for knowledge and understanding does not subside in the slightest, if anything I grow more lustful for the unknown, to see this planet before we destroy it and it's antiquies and beauties, to expand my mind and allow avenues of thought to show me new horizons and pastures, to help me reaffirm my belief in life and my time upon this planet. And so I push forward, the goal never set but the true destination never out of sight! The battle continues.
Wednesday, 22 July 2009
The ever changing faces of the world...
As the middle of the year has come and passed my life has twisted, contorted, changed and grown. My understandings of greater things have escalated, my exploration of the unknown has deepened, self indulgent mind patterns have stemmed more internally than before, a want to understand myself, to learn why those around me are willing to share their time with me, what I offer and how my life impacts others, has opened new questions and avenues of investigation.
I have recently returned from a voyage abroad. With some close friends I travelled to a far off shore, a country called Slovenia, part of the former Yugoslavia. In this little very rural country I attended a festival of eye opening proportions. Holding a capacity of about 10000 people the numbers were less than most festivals I have been to before, but the area in which this festival was set was mind blowingly amazing. Deep in a valley set amongst the Eastern parts of the Alps, this beautiful town of Tolmin held Metalcamp. Here, the Metal masses from Europe gathered to celebrate and applaud bands from the far reaches of the world that would perform for us all. Acts such as Lamb Of God, Down, Amon Amarth and more, would carry this 5 day music festival from strength to strength.
But more to the point, the setting was beautiful. Hills and mountains stretched high into the sky and in all directions. The clouds licked and played amongst them, soaring high above heads, carrying fresh mountain water as their cargo. Below these amazing hills and mountains sat green, fertile land covered with trees and meadows, fresh and alive these fields would be our home for the week. A short walk from our tents brought us to the Main Stage, one of only two stages at this small festival. Even here the beauty of the place could not be escaped.
Further beyond this, a small market place selling trinkets and goods of mixed calibre. From jewellery to some ornate statues, the stalls offered something for even the most withheld Metaller to enjoy and want. Once you broke free of the magical market area you were faced with the second stage, a smaller, less open space but still holding on to the beauty of the area. This stage sat within the forest itself, tree branches and leaves hanging over the stage and the gloom of the woods stretching off far behind. Alas, any band playing here was doomed to be outshone by anyone on the Main Stage. My heart went to them, for they must have felt the rush, the thrill of playing a festival yet the crowds rarely numbered higher than 20.
But descending down a small rocky path and through the tree line, my group and I walked out into what can only be described as the gates of any metallers heaven. A deep, crystal blue lake stretched far off into the distance with running water pouring from the very mountains that had just taken my breath away moments before. Here on the edge of this beautiful river was a small sandy beach, an isolated haven for the hairiest and most misaligned members of society to feel truly at home. An area playing classic numbers by the likes of Skid Row and Pantera, a bar furnished to accommodate the masses that would flock to this idyllic spot for the next week, this felt like the place that my soul had yearned for, a place that my racing mind could rest, could absorb what nature had to show, to offer down to us mere inhabitants of its tender crust. My heart lifted, my mind raced. Tranquillity spread through the very fibre of my being. At last my questions started to be answered, finally a peace that cannot be explained lowly settled upon me.
This place offered much more than just a place to get drunk, to listen to heavy metal played by some of the most amazing bands of our genre and era, to watch as people mulled around on their own business and to guess their intentions. This place for me offered me the chance to see that which I had not seen before. To understand that within my shell of a life in my little village in the UK, I am nothing. A star in the sky surrounded by millions of other stars and galaxies offers more to this universe than I do or could ever imagine to. Yet I am here.
Watching the water flowing along these rivers, down the waterfalls and coursing outwards towards the sea, offered me the chance to see that this world has been here for many millennia and will continue to be long after I am dead and even when my descendants ten fold are passed away. So what questions did I answer, what light was shown through the darkness that surrounds my mind. One bright illuminating light carried a message to me, that we, as humans, as residences on this planet have so much to learn and explore. That to shut ourselves off from this, to take pride in our mere belongings means nothing. When my body dies, what can I carry with me into whatever void or afterlife is to follow? No thing, no item can furnish me when my corporeal existence is extinguished. I am to be without structure, without bounds and without possession.
So my targets in life stretch not in to how much money I can earn, what items I can purchase to make my life seem more important to others. For if I could walk this earth with only food and water and a place to lay my head at night, then this would offer me more than any item could give me. To see this world for all that it is worth, to explore all the avenues of life, to gaze beyond the familiar and show my inner mind, my thoughts and feelings that this existence is merely a blip in the timeline of the universe, is this not the ultimate test of humanity.
If there is a God, a deity of the higher plains of life, then would that being not want us as minions and lesser entities to see all the beauty that this world has to offer, to go beyond our shells and explore further into the greater reaches of life. No higher plain based God or being would place us upon this earth, this home of many and ask us to merely exist. If this were the case then why would this being have blessed us with the power of thought and imagination, with the drive to see and feel all that we can.
I do not profess to know or understand the world or life or indeed the universe and its many winding roads. But yet my vision of what my aim is, what I wish to achieve from life becomes ever clearer. As I said at the beginning of this new update, my mind has taken a self indulgent aspect within it. I am neither selfish nor egotistical, merely starting to learn that I am Me. That whatever I do in life reflects upon me. I interact with others, seeing them as their own entities, yet when I retire to dream, when I wake, the one constant in my life, wherever I am, is Me. Buddhists believe that the true power of God is found inside you, that to see life you must first see yourself. From these teachings and past references, my discovery seems less eccentric and more common with many that have gone before. I am not saying I am Buddhist, not in any way, merely saying that now more so than before I understand the teachings of their ways.
I thank those of you that have helped me to see this new path, to understand that I am Me. My holiday to Slovenia introduced to me to many new people from all over the European range. These people, indirectly have helped me to understand more about the world outside of my existence at home. To know that there others of like mind, that more people are starting to explore the world for what it is rather than sitting back and acquiring possessions and desiring monies of different denominations. This adventure has helped me to realise that although I am closing in on our chartered age of 30, I am still young in comparison with the universe and that I have a lot to learn. I do not wish to have gold, jewels or the gentle touches of a thousand hands praising me, I want to know who I am, why I am and most of all, I want to enjoy every step along the way.
My next adventure is soon to unravel, my teachings from books I have read are starting to make sense, slowly starting to fall into place. If you open your mind, if you let the universe guide you, then life will lead you, believe in the universe, believe in yourself and slowly the meaning of all things will start to open itself to you. A film of recent times gave a quote that I shall not forget, ‘The Universe wastes nothing, everything is recycled!’ Quite the statement and quite the catalyst for thought.
For now I shall leave thee, my mind beckons me to continue its endeavours, to purge more of these shackles off and to strive forwards in understanding and learning. My mind is starting to open and it fills me with happiness.
I have recently returned from a voyage abroad. With some close friends I travelled to a far off shore, a country called Slovenia, part of the former Yugoslavia. In this little very rural country I attended a festival of eye opening proportions. Holding a capacity of about 10000 people the numbers were less than most festivals I have been to before, but the area in which this festival was set was mind blowingly amazing. Deep in a valley set amongst the Eastern parts of the Alps, this beautiful town of Tolmin held Metalcamp. Here, the Metal masses from Europe gathered to celebrate and applaud bands from the far reaches of the world that would perform for us all. Acts such as Lamb Of God, Down, Amon Amarth and more, would carry this 5 day music festival from strength to strength.
But more to the point, the setting was beautiful. Hills and mountains stretched high into the sky and in all directions. The clouds licked and played amongst them, soaring high above heads, carrying fresh mountain water as their cargo. Below these amazing hills and mountains sat green, fertile land covered with trees and meadows, fresh and alive these fields would be our home for the week. A short walk from our tents brought us to the Main Stage, one of only two stages at this small festival. Even here the beauty of the place could not be escaped.
Further beyond this, a small market place selling trinkets and goods of mixed calibre. From jewellery to some ornate statues, the stalls offered something for even the most withheld Metaller to enjoy and want. Once you broke free of the magical market area you were faced with the second stage, a smaller, less open space but still holding on to the beauty of the area. This stage sat within the forest itself, tree branches and leaves hanging over the stage and the gloom of the woods stretching off far behind. Alas, any band playing here was doomed to be outshone by anyone on the Main Stage. My heart went to them, for they must have felt the rush, the thrill of playing a festival yet the crowds rarely numbered higher than 20.
But descending down a small rocky path and through the tree line, my group and I walked out into what can only be described as the gates of any metallers heaven. A deep, crystal blue lake stretched far off into the distance with running water pouring from the very mountains that had just taken my breath away moments before. Here on the edge of this beautiful river was a small sandy beach, an isolated haven for the hairiest and most misaligned members of society to feel truly at home. An area playing classic numbers by the likes of Skid Row and Pantera, a bar furnished to accommodate the masses that would flock to this idyllic spot for the next week, this felt like the place that my soul had yearned for, a place that my racing mind could rest, could absorb what nature had to show, to offer down to us mere inhabitants of its tender crust. My heart lifted, my mind raced. Tranquillity spread through the very fibre of my being. At last my questions started to be answered, finally a peace that cannot be explained lowly settled upon me.
This place offered much more than just a place to get drunk, to listen to heavy metal played by some of the most amazing bands of our genre and era, to watch as people mulled around on their own business and to guess their intentions. This place for me offered me the chance to see that which I had not seen before. To understand that within my shell of a life in my little village in the UK, I am nothing. A star in the sky surrounded by millions of other stars and galaxies offers more to this universe than I do or could ever imagine to. Yet I am here.Watching the water flowing along these rivers, down the waterfalls and coursing outwards towards the sea, offered me the chance to see that this world has been here for many millennia and will continue to be long after I am dead and even when my descendants ten fold are passed away. So what questions did I answer, what light was shown through the darkness that surrounds my mind. One bright illuminating light carried a message to me, that we, as humans, as residences on this planet have so much to learn and explore. That to shut ourselves off from this, to take pride in our mere belongings means nothing. When my body dies, what can I carry with me into whatever void or afterlife is to follow? No thing, no item can furnish me when my corporeal existence is extinguished. I am to be without structure, without bounds and without possession.
So my targets in life stretch not in to how much money I can earn, what items I can purchase to make my life seem more important to others. For if I could walk this earth with only food and water and a place to lay my head at night, then this would offer me more than any item could give me. To see this world for all that it is worth, to explore all the avenues of life, to gaze beyond the familiar and show my inner mind, my thoughts and feelings that this existence is merely a blip in the timeline of the universe, is this not the ultimate test of humanity.
If there is a God, a deity of the higher plains of life, then would that being not want us as minions and lesser entities to see all the beauty that this world has to offer, to go beyond our shells and explore further into the greater reaches of life. No higher plain based God or being would place us upon this earth, this home of many and ask us to merely exist. If this were the case then why would this being have blessed us with the power of thought and imagination, with the drive to see and feel all that we can.
I do not profess to know or understand the world or life or indeed the universe and its many winding roads. But yet my vision of what my aim is, what I wish to achieve from life becomes ever clearer. As I said at the beginning of this new update, my mind has taken a self indulgent aspect within it. I am neither selfish nor egotistical, merely starting to learn that I am Me. That whatever I do in life reflects upon me. I interact with others, seeing them as their own entities, yet when I retire to dream, when I wake, the one constant in my life, wherever I am, is Me. Buddhists believe that the true power of God is found inside you, that to see life you must first see yourself. From these teachings and past references, my discovery seems less eccentric and more common with many that have gone before. I am not saying I am Buddhist, not in any way, merely saying that now more so than before I understand the teachings of their ways.
I thank those of you that have helped me to see this new path, to understand that I am Me. My holiday to Slovenia introduced to me to many new people from all over the European range. These people, indirectly have helped me to understand more about the world outside of my existence at home. To know that there others of like mind, that more people are starting to explore the world for what it is rather than sitting back and acquiring possessions and desiring monies of different denominations. This adventure has helped me to realise that although I am closing in on our chartered age of 30, I am still young in comparison with the universe and that I have a lot to learn. I do not wish to have gold, jewels or the gentle touches of a thousand hands praising me, I want to know who I am, why I am and most of all, I want to enjoy every step along the way.
My next adventure is soon to unravel, my teachings from books I have read are starting to make sense, slowly starting to fall into place. If you open your mind, if you let the universe guide you, then life will lead you, believe in the universe, believe in yourself and slowly the meaning of all things will start to open itself to you. A film of recent times gave a quote that I shall not forget, ‘The Universe wastes nothing, everything is recycled!’ Quite the statement and quite the catalyst for thought.
For now I shall leave thee, my mind beckons me to continue its endeavours, to purge more of these shackles off and to strive forwards in understanding and learning. My mind is starting to open and it fills me with happiness.
Monday, 22 June 2009
A bit of light reading....
So the next quest on my journey has been all about self discovery, learning about who I am, what my life is all about, what is the purpose of it all. Having never studied philosophy or anthropology at college or university, I had to start this voyage with some basic research into the unknown. I took steps ages ago when one of my friends from New Zealand introduced me to a book called ‘The Celestine Prophecy’ by James Redfield.
This book is a fiction novel but it is on a topic about a unified world, a collective harmonised mind and about how people hide within themselves, never allowing all the wonders of the world, the universe and life to enter them.
To say I wasn’t a little overwhelmed would be lying. I thought that this book offered a perspective I had never ventured to look at before, a way of life that was new, fresh, enticing. Having read this book, I tried to put into practise the ideology of it, to explore the avenues it had presented to me into self exploration and understanding.
I carried on reading works by James Redfield, a further 2 fictional books in this series and then a couple of side supporting books, all of which reflected upon the possibility of a collective mind within the world.
This had given me the opening to explore further, to see who else was looking in to this sort of world. And hence forth my introduction to spirituality and metaphysics had begun. I read more and more books, not just on these aspects but about honing ones mind, applying it to everyday current living. Looking on ancient texts from masters of old, Sun Tze’s ‘The Art of War’, Miyamoto Musashi’s ‘Book of Five Rings’ and most recently, the Confucian Analects. Trying to understand how people of a by gone era had seen the world, what the symbols and signs were that had pushed them to expand their minds. I guess my influence to read these more noted Military texts came from my recent joining of a Viking re-enactment society, but this is another story!
My mind was wondering, trying to grasp what the reasons were, why I had been given this opportunity to live life, was this my first time on the planet, how small I was in comparison to any object in the universe. The darkness of my own mind started to descend upon me. Question after question traversed my brain, synaptic ending firing off in all kinds of tangents, trying to think of everything and yet answering nothing!
So I took a step back. I decided to see how my mind would cope with just learning from one source, tackling one subject at a time. In the books by James Redfield it had said that if you are open to new experiences, if you allow the world to assist you in your path, things will come to you when you need them and pretty much just that happened. Standing in a book shop one day, one book in particular jumped out at me, not literally, but something about this book enticed me, something drew me to it! Whether I was looking for this link and my mind took more from it then was there, is beyond me, but either way, I picked it up and decided to give it a go. The title of this book: 2012 – The Year of the Mayan Prophecy by Daniel Pinchbeck.
This book was one man’s investigation in to the 2012, as predicted by the Mayan long count calendar. The end of one circle, one age and the ascension into another. It contained his own investigation into crop circles, extra sensory perception and the Mesoamerican prophecies of the Mayan and Quetzalcoatl’s return. Although at times I found this novel difficult to follow, his often random tangents of self discovery which included much about his past, family and friends, I found this book exciting and eye opening. His use of the psychedelic brew ayahuasca to explore his own mind deep in the Brazilian rainforest intrigued me, the state where the mind was taking a different perspective on things, warping its own set ways, opening to new possibilities, is this not allowing your mind to expand. I have however never tried this drug so my understanding of it stops there. But his ideas and perspective on what has been written for nearly 5000 years gives an interesting opportunity for one person to look at more than just texts and films, to think that maybe there is more discover within the mind of yourself.
That to understand that which you do not know, you must first understand that which tries to understand it!
My journey of self discovery continues, although I took a step back to understand more of one subject before moving on, the questions still plague my mind. I crave knowledge, understanding and answers. I know that for now, this search is kind of in vein. But this does not stop my thirst for it!
This book is a fiction novel but it is on a topic about a unified world, a collective harmonised mind and about how people hide within themselves, never allowing all the wonders of the world, the universe and life to enter them.
To say I wasn’t a little overwhelmed would be lying. I thought that this book offered a perspective I had never ventured to look at before, a way of life that was new, fresh, enticing. Having read this book, I tried to put into practise the ideology of it, to explore the avenues it had presented to me into self exploration and understanding.
I carried on reading works by James Redfield, a further 2 fictional books in this series and then a couple of side supporting books, all of which reflected upon the possibility of a collective mind within the world.
This had given me the opening to explore further, to see who else was looking in to this sort of world. And hence forth my introduction to spirituality and metaphysics had begun. I read more and more books, not just on these aspects but about honing ones mind, applying it to everyday current living. Looking on ancient texts from masters of old, Sun Tze’s ‘The Art of War’, Miyamoto Musashi’s ‘Book of Five Rings’ and most recently, the Confucian Analects. Trying to understand how people of a by gone era had seen the world, what the symbols and signs were that had pushed them to expand their minds. I guess my influence to read these more noted Military texts came from my recent joining of a Viking re-enactment society, but this is another story!
My mind was wondering, trying to grasp what the reasons were, why I had been given this opportunity to live life, was this my first time on the planet, how small I was in comparison to any object in the universe. The darkness of my own mind started to descend upon me. Question after question traversed my brain, synaptic ending firing off in all kinds of tangents, trying to think of everything and yet answering nothing!
So I took a step back. I decided to see how my mind would cope with just learning from one source, tackling one subject at a time. In the books by James Redfield it had said that if you are open to new experiences, if you allow the world to assist you in your path, things will come to you when you need them and pretty much just that happened. Standing in a book shop one day, one book in particular jumped out at me, not literally, but something about this book enticed me, something drew me to it! Whether I was looking for this link and my mind took more from it then was there, is beyond me, but either way, I picked it up and decided to give it a go. The title of this book: 2012 – The Year of the Mayan Prophecy by Daniel Pinchbeck.
This book was one man’s investigation in to the 2012, as predicted by the Mayan long count calendar. The end of one circle, one age and the ascension into another. It contained his own investigation into crop circles, extra sensory perception and the Mesoamerican prophecies of the Mayan and Quetzalcoatl’s return. Although at times I found this novel difficult to follow, his often random tangents of self discovery which included much about his past, family and friends, I found this book exciting and eye opening. His use of the psychedelic brew ayahuasca to explore his own mind deep in the Brazilian rainforest intrigued me, the state where the mind was taking a different perspective on things, warping its own set ways, opening to new possibilities, is this not allowing your mind to expand. I have however never tried this drug so my understanding of it stops there. But his ideas and perspective on what has been written for nearly 5000 years gives an interesting opportunity for one person to look at more than just texts and films, to think that maybe there is more discover within the mind of yourself.
That to understand that which you do not know, you must first understand that which tries to understand it!
My journey of self discovery continues, although I took a step back to understand more of one subject before moving on, the questions still plague my mind. I crave knowledge, understanding and answers. I know that for now, this search is kind of in vein. But this does not stop my thirst for it!
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