The Return

The last few months have been an incredible adventure for me. I have travelled from the UK to Mongolia and back, I have traversed from the highest emotional highs to the most depressing lows, I have seen the most beautiful sights and felt the darkest nights. And now, after 5 months of life changing events, I return to normality and its humanity.

My adventure to Mongolia was incredible. We set off from Goodwood on Saturday July 24th 2010 and by Friday August 20th 2010 we were in Ulanbataar, Mongolia. It was indescribably amazing. I will write a full and detailed account of what happened each day and the things that we undertook along the way, from firing RPGs and machine guns, to eating with a Mongolian family and being slightly scared by a strange Russian chap and his daughter.
But the trip itself was jaw droppingly immense. I have tried to tell people that I have spoken to about it, tried to describe and illustrate just how life changing and worth while it is but I feel that my words escape me and I can only tell them half of the whole feeling.
Alongside that, we managed to raise a whooping £2200 for charity and with donating our vehicle to charity too, we raised a further $3350 (£2100). All in all, we were very pleased with how our team did and what we managed to contribute to charity!

The rally also allowed for a great deal of thought and contemplation. Although I took only fictional novels with me to read on some of the long haul drives, these novels reflected my mood and feelings and somehow managed to help me relate and survive some low periods. The books I was reading were part of The Saxon Stories by Bernard Cornwell. These stories are about a young Englishman who is adopted by a Viking clan and shown how they live before returning to his own people and then having to turn and fight against the Vikings he had grown to love. Along the way he faces close personal loss, battles of immeasurable hardship and a plethora of other contributing factors that make his life a constant battlefield. But through the grime, blood and hate, there is an underlying search for calm, for prosperity and for love.

Often when I took my turn to sit squished and cramped in the back of our Terios, crossing through some of the landscapes that Kazakhstan and Mongolia and many other countries had to offer, I would absorb myself into the novel, putting myself in the place of Uthred Ragnarsson (the hero of the story) and in turn, putting him in my place. I felt as though, as we travelled across Asia, that I was a Viking of old, heading out to discover new worlds and places, sailing the seas, facing the pitfalls of life and the battles of death. Whether people would look at me odd for admitting that I do not know, but I used his resilience and inner power to help me through some low points on the journey.

Saying this however, the highs greatly outnumbered the lows by a huge amount. Some of the most audacious experiences I have had, came from Team Metalrallykhar and our enjoyment on the road. Swimming in the Black Sea, getting drunk with a Ukrainian campsite owner, eating Pasta and tomato whilst drinking Vodka by the bucket load, driving some amazing roads, navigating our way through almost non existent tracks and pitting Bertha (our car) against some formidable terrain. These and many more occurings have inspired me, driven me to investigate further adventures yet to be had. Seeing the lives of others pass before my eyes, talking to locals from all walks of life and places across the world, experiencing everything I did has not only motivated me to do more with my life, but has given me the passion to do so.

But as with all good things, it came to an end. A drunken and fuel frenzied end, but a terminal and undeniable end. We spent 2 full days in Ulanbataar before flying home. When we reached Berlin, Shaun went off to Spain to see his lady and then Dan and I made our way back to England. It was good to be home, but as with festivals I have found, the blues set in massively. So I decided that I would use my unemployed status to my advantage and head out on the road again. This time I decided to go it alone but would again be on the road. Having read so much about Vikings and their history over the past few weeks, I thought a trip to their homeland would be inspirational and informative. So after a brief shopping trip to the local shops, I packed my bags and not even 4 days since my return from Mongolia, I set out on the road to Denmark.

It was a strange but enjoyable experience going it alone in a foreign country. But thankfully I used this time to practice my Danish, to learn about other cultures and to explore the background of such an incredible nation and it history. I journeyed from town to city, taking in as many sites as I could. Visiting museums, galleries, exhibits and many other cultural aspects. It was amazing. Lonely at times, when wanting to discuss what I had just seen or experienced, but apart from that, it was a lot fun.

Then after 7 days of journeying alone, I returned home, to my family, to my friends and my lady. It was good to see them all, to hear what they had done, to see that life goes on regardless and to learn that no matter how much you fear the unknown, I believe it offers you more than you can ever expect.

So now I am back, I have finally found a little job for 5 months whilst I contemplate and plan my future and the next adventure in my life. Many other things and events have unfurled in the recent months but these are entries in my blog yet to come.

But for now, I bid thee farewell and I hope this has given some kind of insight into what the Mongol Rally has to offer each and every one of us, if you have the initiative and gumption to go out on a limb and do something daring, something new, something amazing!

Temporary Break

Apologies for any of you that do read my blog. Due to my recent travels and now looking for a job, I have been unable to write a good and full update on here about recent events and life. I will do my best to have something up on here as soon as possible.

Kind regards

Destinies Universal Path...

When standing staring up at the Universe for all its resplendent glory, I am belittled and reduced. I see as far as my eye can allow, through the haze of light thrown up by our industrial so called glory, cutting through the atmospheric layers that we have battered and pummeled, through all this my eyes reach far into the heavens, searching across the sky as though looking for a new beginning. I yearn for my feet to be lifted off the floor and for my body and soul to float high into those heavens so I can gaze upon it with eyes of wonderment and love, to see the truth.

I know that one day, whether I am conscious of it or not, I will see the Universe for all that it is, I will understand what all these religions and cults have yearned to discover for so long, I will see what they call 'God' or 'Allah' and I will find those answers to the questions that I have not even yet begun to ask.

Every day, I embrace the life that thrives on this planet, our one small rock floating in the vastness of space and time. Not knowing what celestial powers will pull upon us next. Our planet floats through the infinity of space, avoiding collisions with many satellites and orbiting bodies, missing asteroids and comets that cruise across our orbit of the Sun. We should be grateful that when we wake each Morning, we do wake!

The more that I stare into the vastness of space the more I dread my pitiful existence and the more I realise that we have to make the most of this chance we have to walk the skin of our rock we call Earth.

A program that helped me to understand and positively embrace our planet was the remake of a classic 1960's show called Battlestar Galactica. Without ruining the plot, it is about a group of humans that are searching for Earth and how they must combat not just an enemy but also the vastness of space. I suggest those that have a liking for Sci-Fi and Anthropology, may enjoy this TV series greatly. It was very interesting to see how the Directors, Writers and Producers described the journey and how they created a unique and different type of modern story.

My fondness of the unexplained and the vastness of the Universe, stems from my childhood. I have always enjoyed the subject of Space. I have found it confounding how we can fight and battle away within our nations and countries when all we need do is look up and realise that it is all pitiful and a complete waste of life and technology. How many great Scientists have been murdered and killed because rather than applying their intellect to devices and creations to help the human race into the stars, we have instead had these minds forge weapons of mass destruction so that we can kill and plunder the world that we delicately live upon.
Religion, Politics and Money, they are among some of the excuses we as humans give to one another for the reasons why we still war! But in an age like ours, after having seen the travesties of World War 1 & 2, and then the devastation caused by America's intervention in Vietnam and now the Middle East conflicts, can the rational members of the world not see what carnage and ill-place destruction we cause upon not only ourselves but the world under our feet!
Can this constant belligerence and havoc not be turned into something good, a celebration of technology, a union of power for the greater good of mankind?

In just over 4 weeks, I am to embark on a journey taking me some 10000 miles across the globe. As I have mentioned in my previous posts, I am taking part in the Mongol Rally 2010. This is to be a mammoth voyage in which I will meet many different cultures, beliefs, people and lives. I plan on embracing every single person, animal and situation with an open mind and an open heart. My plan is to take what I have been brought up with, living with for the past 28 years, taking that upon which I have become complacent and dependable, and freeing myself of these shackles. Casting myself into the hands of the planet and allowing the humans that dwell on it to shape my future! Letting the Gods direct me as they will, fate and destiny carving its own path through my life. I walk blindly into the unknown, I turn away from conformity and face the uncertainness that each day will bring. I am thankful to those that have helped me get to this stage, that have given me the opportunity to take part in a task such as this, for without them, I would stay exactly where I have been up until now, yet asking the same questions, at least now, I can experience another way of life, an alternate path and from that I can make my own decisions about how I will shape my future upon this celestial rock!

Doomsday...

From the mounting tide of problems that each day brings, I now feel exhausted beyond the comparable and find myself slipping deeper into myself then I have done before. I wonder if half the problems I face are my own doing and in turn as defence I push them on to others, I have become my own turmoil! Pushing away those that care the most.

I am scared of what I am and who I am, for truly, I do not know the answer to either. I wish I could take a breather from myself sometimes! Is this anguish a self duplicitous misanthropy full of foreboding and a unknowing conquest for the answers to life? The answer to that, as before, remain a mystery.

My dreams have become plagued with anxiety and anger. I fight to gain control as terror sweeps through my mind and body, freezing my nerves and scaring my soul. I yearn for the touch of whatever 'God' creates and manipulates this existence to which I find myself a part of. I yearn to find the answers to all my questions, to give me a clarity for which my feelings of guilt are removed.

Every second that passes I fear I am wasting. Using the mundality of existence to excuse myself from the fact that as I work along to the same beat of the drum that the larger proportion of humanity works to, am I guilty of conceding to the rhetorical 'man', dancing when he says dance, working he says work. I have started to believe that I do not fight with my honour and pride as any great human should.

I yield, as so many others do alongside. It is easier living without the questions that should be asked and why so many people choose an escapism other than the mind and body. Adrenaline junkies, artists, writers and politicians, every man, woman and human is trapped in the eternal vortex that we call life. Working to make ends meat, to survive, but what is survival without the appreciation of life itself. Is it 'society' to work hundreds of hands to the bone without allowing the freedom to grow and express themselves as we all should, to see what life is and embrace it.

My fear of death is not one the shrouds my days, making me a frigid and incomprehensible machine, but when I plunge deep into my soul, to face, one on one, my greatest opponent, it simply stares me in the face and tells me that one day, we will all stand there, in the darkness, the terminal, the end!

I cannot answer my own questions on life anymore. My searches for truth seem fruitless. Every book I read, every program I watch, every talk I have, as much as these shed light on the opinions of others, they are exactly that. No one can give me an answer, a statement for which there is an avenue of research, an end.

No, this alone is my quest, but without guidance, how can one ever expect to find that for which they seek!

This nature of humanity, this lustful, animalistic society, survival of the fittest, makes me sorry for my wrong doings but praises nothing that is done right. Man and woman stand to defend their country day in and day out, yet others rip and tear at it, gaining only for themselves! How is this society? How is this humanity?

My sleep terrors may bring fear to my life but in a way I am glad of them. They make me realise that until I stand before Death, I must become life and not just live it. I must see what life is, from the smallest child to the oldest adult, I must embrace every stage, for who knows when yours or my time is up! What turmoil do we face tomorrow? Live each day, each hour, each minute for exactly what it is, another stage in our lives, in our book, in our legacy.

The truth may never been known and as I live and breath, I will never stop my mind questioning that which is and that which can be. I am life and death, now I must choose my path and my journey. Maybe this in itself, is my answer! We are the ying and the yang!

One third of 2 wholes...

I have been very lethargic of late in my writings on here. Due to an extremely busy year thus far, not only work wise, but also with regards to preparation and planning for so many events I am taking place in this year, it has been draining on a physical as well as emotional and mental sides. The time spent to myself is frittered away at the moment as I indulge in selfish pursuits and fight to find motivation outside of the obligatory and needed areas of my day to day life at current. This is not to say that I am not still enjoying my journey through life and all of its challenges, just that at current I have a lot to work on.

As the days flow by, I am consumed by life and all its implications. I watch as people age and change, new relationships forming and others wilting and fading away. I see people growing in more than just the physical form. My observations sometimes make me question myself and how I move through time and space as a person and as an associated member of families and groups.

For me, there are few things in life that I hold so close to my heart as my family, loved ones and friends, except for the world, the universe and all that which is not built, consumed or destroyed by humanity. My family is the greatest aspect of my life offering me counsel when life troubles me, helping me when times are hard and guiding me when the path ahead is full of unexplored and unexpected problems to overcome. Their love is undying and for that simple fact, despite the ups and downs any normal family and group would have, they are always there for me and I for them.
My friends, a group of like minded individuals, with compassion, understanding and care, they have been and are there for me through many of my battles, emotional or otherwise. With them I can find a commonality and brotherhood, a mutual respect and love for many things this world has to offer.
And the heart felt joy of a woman being part of my life and returning the love that I give her can also bring much happiness and delight. To share with her the joys of self discovery and to act as two halves of one whole is beyond compare. Yet this is not always a true reflection of our relationship, but as with many relationships, there are tumultuous roads to take and proceed down, each offering its own challenges and problems, testing the unity of a friendship or relationship and through these battles we determine our resolve and dedication to each other and others around us.

The Mongol Rally, in which I am taking part this year, offers its own unique set of challenges that both delight and trouble me. New experiences and discovery of worlds yet untold to me, brings quiet but happy resolve within. However, the expenditure of money and time whilst all the while waiting for bureaucracy to play its hand can be as testing and scary as any boarder crossing we have yet to face. But with all of that said, nothing dampens the strength of the adventure and the enjoyment that not only I, but also the entire team, face. There will be new sights and people to meet on every step of our epic journey. This has also allowed me to expand my media based liaising as in recent weeks I have been in discussions with journalists and reporters to try and promote our adventure, featuring in 2 recent newspaper articles and taking part in a radio interview that was aired on Quay Radio recently.

All the while, with everything going on around me, I still float within my own mind. Watching as the world goes by, counting the time tick by, seeing the ever changing world evolve and grow. I am still plagued with questions and problems for which no answers have materialised or formulated. I have placed my quenchless desire for knowledge to the back of my long list of things to do for now. My time is better spent in preparation for times to come.

A recent trip to Spain helped me to settle my mind however. My girlfriend and I journeyed to see Las Fallas in Valencia. The festival is a celebration welcoming in the spring and burning the scraps of the old and the winter months that have passed. It was incredible place with some truly amazing sights. The air of this festival hung shallowly over us like a cloud of excitement and anticipation. Everywhere we went within the city was decorated with unique and towering statues illustrating scenes of splendor, depravity and humility.


Children and Adults alike enjoyed the traditional scenes and parades that expanded far beyond the city walls encompassing the surrounding towns and neighborhoods. A true sense of togetherness was felt and even though we were strangers from a land that was long ago, highly opposed to Spain, we felt welcome and less alienated then we would have done in most places in the UK. It was a wonderful 4 days away and although very tiring physically, it was a great relief to allow my mind to wonder from all the knots and twists that I induce upon my self.

I am currently seeking comfort and enjoyment from the book I am reading. It offers a true sense of escapism that I haven’t felt since reading the Musashi books a few months back. This book is called Shogun written by James Clavell. It based on a true story about an English man named Blackthorne and how he was one of the first Brits to ever walk the shores of Japan back in 1600. It details finely, the wonderful world that the Japanese lived in and how their traditions, thoughts and feelings, created a most formidable country. Their simple thoughts on life and death and how insignificant it is have made me realise that no matter what our society may try to illustrate or portray as ethically or lawfully correct, it is the individual that chooses and must obey their inner feeling. Within reason there are boundaries that any person knowing the difference between right and wrong would not cross, but even these are mindfully observed. It offers a different view and perspective that I have never gazed upon and one that although I find somewhat lacking in judgement, cannot be passed on or over looked.

Life to me is a hand dealt with care and love. The creation of being spawned from the Mother and Father and revered through the years to follow birth, a precious drop in the ocean of human’s perception of time and space. For me, life must be taken by the horns and lived for each day. Maybe this is why the mechanical and laborious task of working in the same job with the same people dulls my very force and drains upon my inner being. For was my spark not ignited all those years ago to burn as brightly as it could, can I not throw the shackles of this oppression and supposedly democratic society, free from my restraints and set forth on my own to find that which my spark burns most brightly in. For as time passes and preparations continue, I know that the time has come for me to search this out, to use this time to evaluate and deduce just what I need and want from my mortal coil, to set free those that would chastise and prevent me and to embrace those that wish to understand me, to be part with me and to welcome with open arms, life, the universe and the greater understanding for all

New Year, New Resolve...

It is has been a long while since last I wrote a blog update. With the winter months having come in so fast and the long yearly awaited Christmas taking over everyones lives, my musings have been on a bit of a back burner recently. With that also comes my vested interested in my expedition due to take place later this year (2010). As forementioned in my previous entries, I have been blessed with a position in Team Metalrallykhar on the 2010 Mongol Rally. Over the past few months, we have been working hard to get things in motion. We have acquired a vehicle, a Daihtsu Terios 1.3L 4x4. We have also been working on getting our website up and running and with lots of help from my friend Dan's girlfriend and her company, it finally went live yesterday! Very happy indeed are we that it has finally managed to become a reality rather than a dream. Smiles all round.

With many of my hours being poured into this and also a recent string of other ventures, I have taken a step back from my analytical and somewhat deep and meaningful search for life and all its answers. Instead, I have been enjoying life and letting the questions remain unanswered that much longer. But as the new year starts and with all the excitement of the coming adventures looming over me, I have found a new lease of energy and rather than researching and enquiring into the darkest corners of my psyche and soul, I have taken a more ambient and methodical approach. My interest in Philosophy has grown significantly and alongside that I have also been exploring the lighter side of Physics and the implications they have into our understanding of the world, universe and life.

They may appear as two very different strains of research, the opposites of each other in fact. Philosophy being about thinking and exploring in fine detail the meanings and emotions raised by arguments and ideas from throughout our history, but also delving deep inside the mind to explore thoughts, feelings and questions contained sinuously within ourselves. Whereas, in stark comparison, Physics explores the scientific evidence between many theories laid out by some of the greatest minds in the past 200 years. Physics not only tries to explain how something works but why it works, whilst still ensuring that it adheres to rational and explorative understanding and that any conclusions drawn within this field, are readily justifiable and shown in a way that can be determined with limited variation in results, rather than mere speculation. Saying this though, I am sure that in the advancement of this field of study and science, there has been many speculative ideas and conclusions drawn, but not as many as if it were to be compared to Philosophy. I think my reasons for approaching both of these subjects, despite their opposition to each other, is something to do with a physicist and what he said, 'To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction".

For me this relates to the Ying and Yang, the light and dark side, the black and the white. Not in a truly differential way, where the 2 opposites are so far apart that they have no way of working together, but in the sense of the Ying and Yang. The two combining to create a whole, parts of one piece working in conjunction with the opposite and vice versa. So Philosophy and Physics, two ideas of different backgrounds, one for the exploration of language and mind, the other for the exploration of what is, the more detailed look at that which can be manipulated and broken down before being reassembled. But even as I write this, my mind cannot help but think how close these two subjects are to each other, how differently similar they are. Mind and matter combining to open exploration and understanding to those willing to wade through the mire that both subjects carry heavily on each side.

I find the technical jargon and flamboyant wording in some texts and books on the two subjects can be written in such a way that it is almost impossible to make head nor tail of what the author is pertaining too or just simply trying to explain. But through my constant endeavours, I am slowly starting to get a light grasp on the heavier matters concerned within each area of study. I like to interweave the two, seeing how they can bolster and improve on the theories of the other, using not just a mind thought process but seeing how scientifically this can also be applied. The Ying and the Yang.

But for now I have much to do, work has its claws buried deeply in me, stretching my patience and enthusiasm to a severe low, yet onwards I walk knowing that soon the torment of the rat race will be left behind me as I take my first steps, on my own two feet, out in to the big wide world and not just small steps, but 10000 miles sized steps. The adventure that I have yearned for is within touching distance, now I have to work hard and ensure that all is ready for the day I become my own man.