The ever changing faces of the world...

As the middle of the year has come and passed my life has twisted, contorted, changed and grown. My understandings of greater things have escalated, my exploration of the unknown has deepened, self indulgent mind patterns have stemmed more internally than before, a want to understand myself, to learn why those around me are willing to share their time with me, what I offer and how my life impacts others, has opened new questions and avenues of investigation.

I have recently returned from a voyage abroad. With some close friends I travelled to a far off shore, a country called Slovenia, part of the former Yugoslavia. In this little very rural country I attended a festival of eye opening proportions. Holding a capacity of about 10000 people the numbers were less than most festivals I have been to before, but the area in which this festival was set was mind blowingly amazing. Deep in a valley set amongst the Eastern parts of the Alps, this beautiful town of Tolmin held Metalcamp. Here, the Metal masses from Europe gathered to celebrate and applaud bands from the far reaches of the world that would perform for us all. Acts such as Lamb Of God, Down, Amon Amarth and more, would carry this 5 day music festival from strength to strength.

But more to the point, the setting was beautiful. Hills and mountains stretched high into the sky and in all directions. The clouds licked and played amongst them, soaring high above heads, carrying fresh mountain water as their cargo. Below these amazing hills and mountains sat green, fertile land covered with trees and meadows, fresh and alive these fields would be our home for the week. A short walk from our tents brought us to the Main Stage, one of only two stages at this small festival. Even here the beauty of the place could not be escaped.
Further beyond this, a small market place selling trinkets and goods of mixed calibre. From jewellery to some ornate statues, the stalls offered something for even the most withheld Metaller to enjoy and want. Once you broke free of the magical market area you were faced with the second stage, a smaller, less open space but still holding on to the beauty of the area. This stage sat within the forest itself, tree branches and leaves hanging over the stage and the gloom of the woods stretching off far behind. Alas, any band playing here was doomed to be outshone by anyone on the Main Stage. My heart went to them, for they must have felt the rush, the thrill of playing a festival yet the crowds rarely numbered higher than 20.

But descending down a small rocky path and through the tree line, my group and I walked out into what can only be described as the gates of any metallers heaven. A deep, crystal blue lake stretched far off into the distance with running water pouring from the very mountains that had just taken my breath away moments before. Here on the edge of this beautiful river was a small sandy beach, an isolated haven for the hairiest and most misaligned members of society to feel truly at home. An area playing classic numbers by the likes of Skid Row and Pantera, a bar furnished to accommodate the masses that would flock to this idyllic spot for the next week, this felt like the place that my soul had yearned for, a place that my racing mind could rest, could absorb what nature had to show, to offer down to us mere inhabitants of its tender crust. My heart lifted, my mind raced. Tranquillity spread through the very fibre of my being. At last my questions started to be answered, finally a peace that cannot be explained lowly settled upon me.


This place offered much more than just a place to get drunk, to listen to heavy metal played by some of the most amazing bands of our genre and era, to watch as people mulled around on their own business and to guess their intentions. This place for me offered me the chance to see that which I had not seen before. To understand that within my shell of a life in my little village in the UK, I am nothing. A star in the sky surrounded by millions of other stars and galaxies offers more to this universe than I do or could ever imagine to. Yet I am here.

Watching the water flowing along these rivers, down the waterfalls and coursing outwards towards the sea, offered me the chance to see that this world has been here for many millennia and will continue to be long after I am dead and even when my descendants ten fold are passed away. So what questions did I answer, what light was shown through the darkness that surrounds my mind. One bright illuminating light carried a message to me, that we, as humans, as residences on this planet have so much to learn and explore. That to shut ourselves off from this, to take pride in our mere belongings means nothing. When my body dies, what can I carry with me into whatever void or afterlife is to follow? No thing, no item can furnish me when my corporeal existence is extinguished. I am to be without structure, without bounds and without possession.
So my targets in life stretch not in to how much money I can earn, what items I can purchase to make my life seem more important to others. For if I could walk this earth with only food and water and a place to lay my head at night, then this would offer me more than any item could give me. To see this world for all that it is worth, to explore all the avenues of life, to gaze beyond the familiar and show my inner mind, my thoughts and feelings that this existence is merely a blip in the timeline of the universe, is this not the ultimate test of humanity.

If there is a God, a deity of the higher plains of life, then would that being not want us as minions and lesser entities to see all the beauty that this world has to offer, to go beyond our shells and explore further into the greater reaches of life. No higher plain based God or being would place us upon this earth, this home of many and ask us to merely exist. If this were the case then why would this being have blessed us with the power of thought and imagination, with the drive to see and feel all that we can.

I do not profess to know or understand the world or life or indeed the universe and its many winding roads. But yet my vision of what my aim is, what I wish to achieve from life becomes ever clearer. As I said at the beginning of this new update, my mind has taken a self indulgent aspect within it. I am neither selfish nor egotistical, merely starting to learn that I am Me. That whatever I do in life reflects upon me. I interact with others, seeing them as their own entities, yet when I retire to dream, when I wake, the one constant in my life, wherever I am, is Me. Buddhists believe that the true power of God is found inside you, that to see life you must first see yourself. From these teachings and past references, my discovery seems less eccentric and more common with many that have gone before. I am not saying I am Buddhist, not in any way, merely saying that now more so than before I understand the teachings of their ways.

I thank those of you that have helped me to see this new path, to understand that I am Me. My holiday to Slovenia introduced to me to many new people from all over the European range. These people, indirectly have helped me to understand more about the world outside of my existence at home. To know that there others of like mind, that more people are starting to explore the world for what it is rather than sitting back and acquiring possessions and desiring monies of different denominations. This adventure has helped me to realise that although I am closing in on our chartered age of 30, I am still young in comparison with the universe and that I have a lot to learn. I do not wish to have gold, jewels or the gentle touches of a thousand hands praising me, I want to know who I am, why I am and most of all, I want to enjoy every step along the way.

My next adventure is soon to unravel, my teachings from books I have read are starting to make sense, slowly starting to fall into place. If you open your mind, if you let the universe guide you, then life will lead you, believe in the universe, believe in yourself and slowly the meaning of all things will start to open itself to you. A film of recent times gave a quote that I shall not forget, ‘The Universe wastes nothing, everything is recycled!’ Quite the statement and quite the catalyst for thought.

For now I shall leave thee, my mind beckons me to continue its endeavours, to purge more of these shackles off and to strive forwards in understanding and learning. My mind is starting to open and it fills me with happiness.

A bit of light reading....

So the next quest on my journey has been all about self discovery, learning about who I am, what my life is all about, what is the purpose of it all. Having never studied philosophy or anthropology at college or university, I had to start this voyage with some basic research into the unknown. I took steps ages ago when one of my friends from New Zealand introduced me to a book called ‘The Celestine Prophecy’ by James Redfield.
This book is a fiction novel but it is on a topic about a unified world, a collective harmonised mind and about how people hide within themselves, never allowing all the wonders of the world, the universe and life to enter them.
To say I wasn’t a little overwhelmed would be lying. I thought that this book offered a perspective I had never ventured to look at before, a way of life that was new, fresh, enticing. Having read this book, I tried to put into practise the ideology of it, to explore the avenues it had presented to me into self exploration and understanding.
I carried on reading works by James Redfield, a further 2 fictional books in this series and then a couple of side supporting books, all of which reflected upon the possibility of a collective mind within the world.

This had given me the opening to explore further, to see who else was looking in to this sort of world. And hence forth my introduction to spirituality and metaphysics had begun. I read more and more books, not just on these aspects but about honing ones mind, applying it to everyday current living. Looking on ancient texts from masters of old, Sun Tze’s ‘The Art of War’, Miyamoto Musashi’s ‘Book of Five Rings’ and most recently, the Confucian Analects. Trying to understand how people of a by gone era had seen the world, what the symbols and signs were that had pushed them to expand their minds. I guess my influence to read these more noted Military texts came from my recent joining of a Viking re-enactment society, but this is another story!

My mind was wondering, trying to grasp what the reasons were, why I had been given this opportunity to live life, was this my first time on the planet, how small I was in comparison to any object in the universe. The darkness of my own mind started to descend upon me. Question after question traversed my brain, synaptic ending firing off in all kinds of tangents, trying to think of everything and yet answering nothing!

So I took a step back. I decided to see how my mind would cope with just learning from one source, tackling one subject at a time. In the books by James Redfield it had said that if you are open to new experiences, if you allow the world to assist you in your path, things will come to you when you need them and pretty much just that happened. Standing in a book shop one day, one book in particular jumped out at me, not literally, but something about this book enticed me, something drew me to it! Whether I was looking for this link and my mind took more from it then was there, is beyond me, but either way, I picked it up and decided to give it a go. The title of this book: 2012 – The Year of the Mayan Prophecy by Daniel Pinchbeck.

This book was one man’s investigation in to the 2012, as predicted by the Mayan long count calendar. The end of one circle, one age and the ascension into another. It contained his own investigation into crop circles, extra sensory perception and the Mesoamerican prophecies of the Mayan and Quetzalcoatl’s return. Although at times I found this novel difficult to follow, his often random tangents of self discovery which included much about his past, family and friends, I found this book exciting and eye opening. His use of the psychedelic brew ayahuasca to explore his own mind deep in the Brazilian rainforest intrigued me, the state where the mind was taking a different perspective on things, warping its own set ways, opening to new possibilities, is this not allowing your mind to expand. I have however never tried this drug so my understanding of it stops there. But his ideas and perspective on what has been written for nearly 5000 years gives an interesting opportunity for one person to look at more than just texts and films, to think that maybe there is more discover within the mind of yourself.
That to understand that which you do not know, you must first understand that which tries to understand it!

My journey of self discovery continues, although I took a step back to understand more of one subject before moving on, the questions still plague my mind. I crave knowledge, understanding and answers. I know that for now, this search is kind of in vein. But this does not stop my thirst for it!