One third of 2 wholes...

I have been very lethargic of late in my writings on here. Due to an extremely busy year thus far, not only work wise, but also with regards to preparation and planning for so many events I am taking place in this year, it has been draining on a physical as well as emotional and mental sides. The time spent to myself is frittered away at the moment as I indulge in selfish pursuits and fight to find motivation outside of the obligatory and needed areas of my day to day life at current. This is not to say that I am not still enjoying my journey through life and all of its challenges, just that at current I have a lot to work on.

As the days flow by, I am consumed by life and all its implications. I watch as people age and change, new relationships forming and others wilting and fading away. I see people growing in more than just the physical form. My observations sometimes make me question myself and how I move through time and space as a person and as an associated member of families and groups.

For me, there are few things in life that I hold so close to my heart as my family, loved ones and friends, except for the world, the universe and all that which is not built, consumed or destroyed by humanity. My family is the greatest aspect of my life offering me counsel when life troubles me, helping me when times are hard and guiding me when the path ahead is full of unexplored and unexpected problems to overcome. Their love is undying and for that simple fact, despite the ups and downs any normal family and group would have, they are always there for me and I for them.
My friends, a group of like minded individuals, with compassion, understanding and care, they have been and are there for me through many of my battles, emotional or otherwise. With them I can find a commonality and brotherhood, a mutual respect and love for many things this world has to offer.
And the heart felt joy of a woman being part of my life and returning the love that I give her can also bring much happiness and delight. To share with her the joys of self discovery and to act as two halves of one whole is beyond compare. Yet this is not always a true reflection of our relationship, but as with many relationships, there are tumultuous roads to take and proceed down, each offering its own challenges and problems, testing the unity of a friendship or relationship and through these battles we determine our resolve and dedication to each other and others around us.

The Mongol Rally, in which I am taking part this year, offers its own unique set of challenges that both delight and trouble me. New experiences and discovery of worlds yet untold to me, brings quiet but happy resolve within. However, the expenditure of money and time whilst all the while waiting for bureaucracy to play its hand can be as testing and scary as any boarder crossing we have yet to face. But with all of that said, nothing dampens the strength of the adventure and the enjoyment that not only I, but also the entire team, face. There will be new sights and people to meet on every step of our epic journey. This has also allowed me to expand my media based liaising as in recent weeks I have been in discussions with journalists and reporters to try and promote our adventure, featuring in 2 recent newspaper articles and taking part in a radio interview that was aired on Quay Radio recently.

All the while, with everything going on around me, I still float within my own mind. Watching as the world goes by, counting the time tick by, seeing the ever changing world evolve and grow. I am still plagued with questions and problems for which no answers have materialised or formulated. I have placed my quenchless desire for knowledge to the back of my long list of things to do for now. My time is better spent in preparation for times to come.

A recent trip to Spain helped me to settle my mind however. My girlfriend and I journeyed to see Las Fallas in Valencia. The festival is a celebration welcoming in the spring and burning the scraps of the old and the winter months that have passed. It was incredible place with some truly amazing sights. The air of this festival hung shallowly over us like a cloud of excitement and anticipation. Everywhere we went within the city was decorated with unique and towering statues illustrating scenes of splendor, depravity and humility.


Children and Adults alike enjoyed the traditional scenes and parades that expanded far beyond the city walls encompassing the surrounding towns and neighborhoods. A true sense of togetherness was felt and even though we were strangers from a land that was long ago, highly opposed to Spain, we felt welcome and less alienated then we would have done in most places in the UK. It was a wonderful 4 days away and although very tiring physically, it was a great relief to allow my mind to wonder from all the knots and twists that I induce upon my self.

I am currently seeking comfort and enjoyment from the book I am reading. It offers a true sense of escapism that I haven’t felt since reading the Musashi books a few months back. This book is called Shogun written by James Clavell. It based on a true story about an English man named Blackthorne and how he was one of the first Brits to ever walk the shores of Japan back in 1600. It details finely, the wonderful world that the Japanese lived in and how their traditions, thoughts and feelings, created a most formidable country. Their simple thoughts on life and death and how insignificant it is have made me realise that no matter what our society may try to illustrate or portray as ethically or lawfully correct, it is the individual that chooses and must obey their inner feeling. Within reason there are boundaries that any person knowing the difference between right and wrong would not cross, but even these are mindfully observed. It offers a different view and perspective that I have never gazed upon and one that although I find somewhat lacking in judgement, cannot be passed on or over looked.

Life to me is a hand dealt with care and love. The creation of being spawned from the Mother and Father and revered through the years to follow birth, a precious drop in the ocean of human’s perception of time and space. For me, life must be taken by the horns and lived for each day. Maybe this is why the mechanical and laborious task of working in the same job with the same people dulls my very force and drains upon my inner being. For was my spark not ignited all those years ago to burn as brightly as it could, can I not throw the shackles of this oppression and supposedly democratic society, free from my restraints and set forth on my own to find that which my spark burns most brightly in. For as time passes and preparations continue, I know that the time has come for me to search this out, to use this time to evaluate and deduce just what I need and want from my mortal coil, to set free those that would chastise and prevent me and to embrace those that wish to understand me, to be part with me and to welcome with open arms, life, the universe and the greater understanding for all